Proud of My Friend, Neal

Today's post is short.

All I ask is that you click on the link below and check out one of my best friends web site and how he is doing "stand up" comedy.

Very proud. Not many people could do this.

Click here to see a future SNL Star!

I have a virus!

Beware the dreaded "Aurora" virus.
I have it at work. I think I got it during an internet connection when I went to Tampa last week. Something screwy popped up on the screen at the time and I think I hit the wrong button to get rid of it. Anyway, I have it and it sucks. I have pop ups appearing every few mintues on my screen which is very annoying.
The help desk have put me on "Bronze" status, which means that I should have someone here to fix it by the year 2057.
Another cute picture here...

Cute 

Happy Birthday, Mum

My mum turns 52 today, and so in her honor I have decided to post some pics of her below !!
52 never looked so....well....'special'

Drinking again... 

Yes, she drank all of them ! 

I wonder if I could drink this little girl... 

My Two Girls

It simply doesn't get any better than this. My favorite two girls and favorite little boy. This was so cute. Nimmer was fascinated when she felt Jack starting to kick.It was so damn cute. 

I'm Back !

Soooooo sorry, my little darlings. I have been gone; traveling for a long time and have completely neglected my huge reader fan base! My apologies to the countless thousands of people who read this blog. It will not happen again. Well...Actually, it probably will, and so I will just apologize again!
So what else is new?
Well, Tampa was great. Enjoyed it for the 22 hours that I was there. It was about 85 degrees which was nice. I sat next to a crazy lady on the plane on the ride back. Scary as hell. She was very loud, and during the landing in Portland, she was giving me the run down on how statistically speaking, planes we more likely to crash during landings and take offs than any other time. It didn't help that it was bumpy as hell while we came in because Portland had a freak thunder and lightning storm as we landed.
Damn!
In other news, my lovely wife graduates today from the western culinary arts institute. She is playing it cool and low key, but I know she is excited. Apparently she is the first Enos to graduate from a school other than 'hard knocks' which is great for her. Congrats.

British Restaurant is named #1 in the world!

This is good news!
Finally England is known for more than their bad teeth, cool accents, huge penises, and Camilla.

The Fat Duck, an English countryside former pub, has topped an annual list of the world’s best restaurants, marking a new gastronomic triumph for a country once known for, well, other reasons besides its food.

The Fat Duck, run by chef Heston Blumenthal, beat out El Bulli in Montjoi, Spain and The French Laundry in California -- previously voted world’s best two years in a row.

Blumenthal, a self-taught chef, has pioneered “molecular gastronomy” -- advanced techniques to develop unusual taste combinations like “smoked bacon and egg ice cream” and “leather, oak and tobacco chocolates”.

Is that shit low carb?

Radicals

There are many radicals in the world. Changing the world of Child Services is an uphill battle that needs to be fought, but on a chat group that I belong to, there are some real "crazies". Is the world really made up of these types of people?
Below is an excerpt (I removed the names to protect the folks) from a recent posting I read.
I rarely chime in to these things, but on this occasion I did.

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INITIAL PERSON
I talked to my lawyer today on the phone and he asked me did i want to have my wife`s house inspected? I said yes but after i thought about it, wil it do any good or make things worse between us, it is already pretty bad though and is he just trying to get more lawyer fees or is he really trying to do some good for me. Give me some feed back please.
Thanks,
Person #1

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REPLY
If it were me I would use DHR as a last resort.
DHR is as corrupt as family court. Very few situations that DHR is involved in produce a positive result.
They operate off of Hitler's child of the state doctrine or the American "parens patria" which means the state as a parent.
From, Person #2

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Person of "Knowledge"
Oh people PLEASE!!!
I am Person #1 wife- I used to be a child abuse and neglect investigator and was a child support worker at one time as well. I wasn't "corrupt" and I take MAJOR offense to that statement.
What DOES need to happen FIRST is that you need to get YOUR house in order and get all child sagety up to date, etc- and then get DHR to come out to YOUR house and check it's liveability status. Get a mental health "check". IF you truly believe that something is not "right" in the CP's place- then have it checked out... the problem will be if you are doing this out of spite or just trying to make her life difficult to get your way or put her off balance.
DHR (CS and neglect) get ALL kinds of bogus calls from exes that are COMPLETELY unfounded- and they are done to harass and NOT to actually check on the well-being of the child... So you have to understand that the "presumption" on their part CANNOT be abuse... everything must be done to prove it one way or another.
If you are alleging abuse/neglect they should check the house, speak to the child(ren), talk to the school (teacher and counselor), doctors, and sometimes neighbors, et cetera. If you are just wanting the court to specify whether or not her home is fit and "clean" enough... then your >lawyer will need to request the Judge to order an evaluation of BOTH home... and you need to make sure YOURS is perfect. The premise should be that generally children are better off where they are ( as disruption often "injures" child more than status quo) unless it can be proven otherwise.
If this is an initial custody issue as aprt of a divorce- and BOTH parents had EQUAL parts in child's life during marriage- then you do a home check as a matter of form and go from there... and maybe work for joint custody(which courts are doing more and more).
If she is in contempt of court for any current custody orders- then that is what you need to concentrate on at this time.
In short- if you don't really have any "suspicions"- and the problems are only between you and the mother... you will come off looking the "ass" if you have her investigated for bogus reasons or just to make life difficult.
No matter what the case- make SURE you have your house in order as well- as even if you don't have it inspected as part of a judges decision or on your own... if you make her life hell... she will react in kind.
Do it for the "right" reasons and be prepared to be under the microscope yourself.
GOOD LUCK!!
Thanks, Person #3

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CRAZY #4
I take MAJOR offense the these statements:
"the "presumption" on their part CANNOT be abuse..."
"The premise should be that generally children are better off where they are (as disruption often "injures" child more than status quo) unless it can be proven otherwise."
"If... BOTH parents had EQUAL parts in child's life during marriage- then you do a home check as a matter of form and go from there... and maybe work for joint custody( which courts are doing more and more). If >he is in contempt of court for any current custody orders- then that is >what you need to concentrate on at this time."
"DHR (CS and neglect) get ALL kinds of bogus calls from exes that are COMPLETELY unfounded- and they are done to harass and NOT to actually check on the well-being of the child."
Thanks, Crazy #4

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MY REPLY TO THIS
I didn't find any offence with any of it...for the record.It seemed like solid advice from an insider who knows how it works. Getting your own house in order should be the damn priority.
I went through it. I had to go through all the evaluations and do all the damn inconvenient checks etc....and you know what....if that is what it takes to get my child then FINE. I am not hiding anything. I actuality it came back better for me that I did, because I was being accused of all sorts of things.I think the courts, and teh family court rules suck ass as much as the next person, but in this case the courts did their job....THEY PROTECTED MY CHILD.
They have no way of knowing if the abuse allegations are real or not. It was ordered that I undergo the tests, and my ex had to also. There job is to protect children. They go about it wrong in many ways in my opinion, but not with this...no way.
If you are not fit to be a parent, you shouldn't have your child.....and you should be man enough to stand up and say so. Faking abuse or neglect, or whatever you want to call it, just to get an evaluation done can backfire drastically. Trust me, I was on the receiving end, and it did backfire on my spouse.
Also, making these claims, which turn out to be BS, only clog up the courts, frustrating them, and then creates a negative vibe about that method of custody disputes.The only advice I read from Mr. Young was to get your own house in order before you start pointing fingers. This isn't about making it more inconvenient for your ex....it is about doing what's right for your child.
HUGE difference. Remember that.
Thanks, Simon

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I mean really.....are there really people out there who believe this???

America Is....

it is hard to describe to people from England what it is like.
This is very tongue-in-cheek, and it pokes fun at itself, but this pretty much sums it up!

http://www.loveit-or-leaveit.com/flash/americafuckyeah.html

See my earlier 'Team America' post for the full explanation...or submit your own example of what it is like. I will post them all here!

The Weekend

Traveling is fun. I think I already stated that, but I had a great time this week. I ended up in Sacramento with Steph and Autumn, by way of Cincinnati, New York, Denver and then home! A lot of traveling.
Steph and Autumn got stuck in some wreck on I-5 and didn't roll in until 5am !! I guess Autumn slept most of the way, so poor old Steph had to drive with the dogs for company.
The weekend was great in Sacramento. They usually are. We had an interesting night at the Moose Lodge (!!) and really just chilled out for the weekend. It was the first time they had seen Steph pregnant. It was a trip.
I also had a long talk with Tom about the future and what that holds. It was cool to talk about it actually. We just sat around and BS'ed for a couple of hours. They want to sell their place within the year and move up to the Scappoose area and buy 12 acres, subdivide it, and give us each a piece to build on. I guess they have a lot of equity in their house in Sacramento and so they could do it for sure. Steph is in the "I'll believe it when I see it" mode, but I remain optimistic. I would solve a lot of problems for us, and get us out of the rental thing.
Seeing Steph pregnant has also made them think a little more about family too. I think Pat really misses her grand kids and having Jack (+ any more we add) will only make it harder for them down there. They don't have any ties to Sacramento other than their jobs which, apparently, they have already looked into transferring up here, so we should be set. Grandma is 50/50 but then old people always are.
A lot to think about.
I am also worried about my mate Neal (http://nealobus.blogspot.com> at Hollywood. The bonus is about to be paid out, and they would herald the mass exodus everyone is predicting. I need to get him in here!!

In Sacramento

well it has been a long three days of traveling. I love it as I sid earlier, but it sure takes it out of you. Steph and Autumn met me in Sacramento (I flew in from NYC) and we have all been a little tired. Steph drove the whole way and they didn't get in until about 5am! Yikes. It was good to see them here in one piece though.
Today, as with all days down here, is just a chill out day. Tom and I had a nice long chat yesterday about them moving to Oregon and buying some land etc so that they could build a house. He was also saying that he wanted to get about 10 or 12 acres and subdivide so that we could all own a piece and build together. That would be awesome!! I think they are really in the stage that theya re missing their grand kids. Austin was just born and they miss them, and then Madison and Naomi of course. Jack will be further pressure in July and then I think Stepnd I are going to add one more to the nest (maybe two) so they will be hating life down here. Tom is thinking about it in the next year which would be gat because, froma purely seflish standpoint, that would be when we would think about moving out of Lake Oswego and in into our own place.
Having land would be absolutely spectacular and as long as it was fairly close to Portland (Scappoose area would work) we would be set. I would also love it as we could use the land as equity to borrow the money to buy the house. We would have it built too which would be awesome. I have always wantedt o build my own house. Not necessarily to physically "build" it myself (although that would be cool, too) but just to start from scratch and really do some design work for ourselves.
Family life is cool. I can't wait for the baby to be born. Really looking forward to it.
Heading home to Oregon tomorrow.

A Follow Up to Chaz and Cam

Inspired by Cousin Sam ! Good to the last drop...from the Chaz and Cam wedding post...

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Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world,"

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the> smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and said, "Who the f*ck is Camilla Parker Bowles?"

Traveling a lot

Wow. I just arranged my travel schedule for the next few weeks and I have three east coast trips planned. One to NYC in the next few days, one to Tampa, and the other to Milwaukee. Crazy!
Actually it is nice because I will get to amass some frequent flyer miles so that we can take some much needed R n' R later in the year.
I love to travel, even for work. Not sure why, when I speak to other people, no-one seems to like it. Sure the hours are long, but you get to see so much and experience lots of different things and places which is always interesting. I traveled a ton with soccer and then with by old job I would get to be away once a quarter which was fine, but it would appear that with the current position I am going to be traveling a lot! Sweet!
NYC was fantastic the last time I went, and now I get to go there every now and again it is going to be cool. It is a city I have always wanted to spend more time in.
Tampa is cool. That is a long ass trip too. It is like NYC but with another few hours on top! I like visiting Florida as it is always nice there. Reminds me of Fort Lauderdale where I used to live.
I have my iPod, and now we have the DVD player that will be fun and I can watch some movies that I would like to see. With my Blackberry too, I should be smokin' as I won't have to lug a laptop around.
Hmmm...after reading that last paragraph it would appear that I am way to gadget orientated. That is a good thing though. It is like my wife and shoes! You can never have too many. Good times.
In other news, I spoke with my little sis earlier in the day (via email) and she won a trip to Rome through her work!! Nice! I am very jealous of her. I love Rome. Traveling through Europe always seems so much more exotic than traveling through the US. Not necessarily better, just more romanticized! I need to take Steph there next year!

Chaz and Cam Wed !

Okay, so apparently there was a royal wedding this weekend. I am going to assume that if you didn't know about it you must have been under a rock. This wedding was different though.

When Charles married Camilla on Saturday morning there was such a polar attitude about the wedding in England. Of course, it was fairly big news over here as a form of fascination. I think the Royals are idolized over here somewhat. There is still that 'mystique' about them. With that said however, I was unable to get any substantial coverage through the media over here. Oh well. I didn't really expect too I suppose.

So I had to make do with the English rags. I skimmed over the internet and checked out the Sun and the Guardian newspapers and was absolutely amazed to see how "controversial" this wedding had become. It was like Charles was seriously committing a sin by marrying this woman. To be honest, I should state that I don't know amuch about Camilla other than now she is heir to the throne. along with Charles. I do know, however, that she has been lambasted by the press over there which is absolutely bloody typical of the English. They can't stand for someone to be happy. I even read that someone turned up to the wedding with a big sign that said something like 'King Charles and QUEEN Camilla...Never'. What the hell is that all about?

Maybe I have mellowed in my old age, or maybe it is just because I have moved away from the depressing, pull-everyone-down, people-who-succeed-are-scum attitude that is in England. What the hell difference does it make who Charles is marying, and why the hell should he care who likes her and who doesn't? I can undertand the theory that she will one day become queen and so that may be hurting people, but tough shit. If you don't like it, move away. It's not your wife. It's Charles'. Get over it.

I think it stems from people loving Diana and therefore anyone else would have been sub-par. He shoudl maybe not marry again, and then people would be happy. That would be like saying Elvis should have stopped after Jailhouse Rock, because it was only going to be worse after that! The Royals have taken a serious bashing over the past few years and, but for the Princes, they seem to be a pretty unpopular bunch. It does bug me though that you get these old English twats who cannot let go of the fact that Diana is gone (tragic for everyone, including me) but life goes on. Charles loves this woman apparently (she was even supposedly responsible for the break up of him and Diana) so let him get on with it.

I think it's great. Let them marry and she can be Queen if she is entitled to. I read something about her saying that she wouldn't take the title of "Queen" when the time comes but instead would be the "Kings Consort" or something like that to keep the English people happy. Deary me. People over there annoy me.

That is one of the reasons I like it over here so much...to get away from the old school way of thinking. Live life. Don't worry about the past. Get over it. Good luck to them. I wish them the best. Long live Queen Camilla.

That said, she is one ugly bitch. :)

The happy couple. Oh, in case you were wondering, Charles is on the left. 

I Think I am Cool

I spent a little time on my blog today. Hell yeah, that's right, check out my new banner at the top...that "map thingy". Pretty damn sweet, huh? At the risk of being too high brow, I thought I would explain it for the common folk. The left half of the banner is centered around Frome, which is the town I grew up in. The right is around Lake Oswego, which is where I now live.
Holy crap, now I can be stalked. I have given enough info now that I am sure someone can hit me up with some form of identity theft. Sweet.
In other news, my lovely wife is scrap booking now with one of my best friend's wife, and they seem to be getting along swimmingly. The flip side of that is that we are going through every single photograph that we have ever taken to pick out some to be inserted into said scrapbook. Some of these photos are horrendous! Too funny! I am going to have to scan some in and post them. What the hell was I thinking wearing some of that stuff. No wonder I didn't get laid until 1989.

Movie Attempt

I amalso going to attempt to publish some video footage of my princess dancing her little heart out the other day! Stay tuned. Hopefully this works!

FOLLOW UP: This pretty much sucks. Apparently you cannot add movie clips to the blog. Something about file size. You can add audio though. Doesn't do it justice.

Little Girls

It is amazing. When you are a parent you feel such unconditional love for your kids that is scares you.
I am no different. My little princess is absolutely the love of my life. I feel, I don't know, like a better person when she is staying with us. It's not like a don't love 110% what I have here, but I always think something is missing when she is not here.
Having her around for the weekends is phenomenal. The courts now also ruled in my favor and said I can have her one night, albeit for two hours, during every week. I think Thursdays are going to work best, but I am sure my ex will make that as hard as possible. Rules are rules though, and I am loving the arrangement. Thursday nights are going to be great at our house!

Team America

We watched Team America World Police last night. Steph didn't find it as hilarious as me. In fact she didn't find it hilarious at all.
Yes, the music is as brilliant as the movie, which was as devastating a political commentary as I can remember seeing. The music, like the movie, went beyond simply hilarious, it nailed so many nuggets of misperception on the global scene today.
Some of my favorites: "Would you think of all them war vets/and wouldja start ta feel bad?" captures the American tendency to charge in based on primitive emotional reactions, not bothering to stop and think about the ramifications of doing so.
And Kim's heartbreaking little tearjerker: i work reary hard and make up great prans but nobody ristens no one understands seems rike no one takes me [falsetto] ser-ree-rus-ree... How brilliant to put America's casual approach to the threat of nuclear proliferation in N. Korea on the level of a brutal dictator's feeling of loneliness! The fact that we've run around invading countries that can't touch us while Kim sits over there busting out nukes seems "kinda seery...but not reery".
And the anthem, "America--F**K YEAH!/So lick my *** and suck on my b***s!" Got that, France? Canada? Iraq, Iran....oh no, not you, Saudi Arabia, you're good...This anthem is so intense and catchy I can easily imagine rednecks singing it without a trace of irony.
This is unquestionably shoot-yourself-in-the-head funny stuff! It's so funny, it's like 9-11 times...I dunno, around 300 million?

when you let a 4 year old take the picture it looks like this... 

This little princess herself, playing dress up. Easter 2005. 

Jinxed

So I think I jinxed myself by posting the positive thing about work yesterday, because today was not a good day.
Too many egos on the customer side. Frustrating, but something I have to learn to deal with. Good thing was that I had plenty of support from my people.

Easter 2005

This was us just chilling out at Easter at our friends house.
It was very cool and is actually the second year in a row we were there.
Easter 2005

Good Day

after yesterday, this was a good day.
I was told on a conference all today that I was actually exceeding everyones expectations when it came to my job at this point.
And on that note, I will leave it at that!!

My worst blog ever: Rated 'R' or '18'

This is going to be raw. My apologies.
So today, I had the pleasure of sitting in a fucking courtroom with my ex, her bitch of a lawyer and my lawyer (nice guy...but equally creepy in a lawyer kind of way). Steph arrived also which was a nice relief.
That was it. We sat, and we argued and argued and argued and argued and argued and....well, you get the point. The shit that we were arguing about was absolutely trivial. I was bored out of my mind. Seriously. I was completely bored as time went on. The whole time I was thinking that this is about a little 4 year old girl who loves her parents equally, but doesn't realize her mother is a loathsome cunt whore of a woman who is out to bleed me dry of every fucking dime I have. I am soooo fucking mad right now. Can you tell? If you asked a neutral they would probably say I came out better. That is because her stance was so damn bad to begin with she was bound to lose ground. The judge was actually pretty nice. Steven Mauther I think his name was. Nice guy. Reasonable and very straight forward.
Here is the capper though, and this is what set me off and what has made be in this mood that I really should not be writing this blog right now....at the end of the court session after the judge had left, my ex hands me a piece of paper that has Naomi's new enrollment information on it for her new daycare. She presents it in this grandiose way where she is being a good mother and "look what I am giving Simon, aren't I good" kind of way. So I thank her, I look at it and it is exactly what she said...the enrollment paperwork. I glance down and in the box where is says to list Naomi's parents it has her name and STEVE'S !!! What the fuck???? So I call her on it, and she says oh it's just guardian too. I reply he is not even her guardian!!! This pissed me off so bad. So she just blew it off. I turn the page and there she lists everyone that is able to pick her up from daycare. I am second (after herself) and there is Steve also....and low and behold he is listed as her step parent. What the fuck #2??????
Under the circumstances this was not a good time to be viewing this, but it gets to the core of the problem. We have a controlling mother here who cannot get a grip on reality who wants me to be out of Naomi's life completely.
If you are reading this and thinking 'what the hell is the big deal' the fuck off and don't read my blog anymore. You obviously don't understand my situation and you don't have any right reading my ramblings.
Sorry for the language.

Everyone died this weekend.

I get weirded out every time the clocks get changed as it throws me off when I try to figure out what time it is. Here I am, online at 7:45pm and it is still light outside (although it is getting darker).
Anyway. A lot has happened this weekend. The Pope died. Terry Shaivo died and I think a few other people died too. Not sure how to feel about the Pope or about Terry Shaivo but I think with the Pope he was a genuinely good bloke who made a big difference in a lot of people's lives. Terry Shaivo was just a woman who's story got blown out of proportion in my opinion.
Stephanie and I had the conversation though about Living Wills and what would happen if one of us was in a vegetative state. We both opted for the "put me out of my misery" option. I think it does a few things. One, it cuts down costs, and two, it allows the family to move on. I know I don't want to be trapped inside a body that doesn't work forever. Heck, I get bored sitting in traffic so I can't imagine what it would be like for me !!
Oh yeah....I have court tomorrow too...wish me luck....
I am also determined to get some pictures on this damn blog....I have to figure that out this week, too.