Simon Date: Convicted Felon

That's right people, today, your's truly was in traffic court fending for his life against 'the man' as he tried to put me in chokey for alleged crimes back on March 13th.

Well, I was not going quietly, people! That's right, no damn judge is taking me alive. Driving in the car pool lane? Me? I drive where the hell I want, when the hell I want, and how fast I want. Coppers beware.

No friggin' way I was going to be doing hard time, smashing rocks etc. I will fight the man every step of the way.

Solitary confinement? No problem...just not for me. Fences can't keep me in. No wall can contain me. Guards? Bring 'em on. I'll fight anyone. Don't even think about slipping one in my bum in the showers? I'll tense up and rip your dick off.

Get me Johnny Cochran. What? He's dead? Well, get me someone else. What about that Shaprio guy? Robert, not James. Get me him. He'll do.

Yeah that's right, legal system! You want a fight? You got one!


This is utter crap. A mockery!

Well, I thought I was quite fortunate to get away with $182 reduced fine, and a slap on the wrist. Phew. Sorry judge. It won't happen again.

Oh yes, you look nice in your robe. Sissy.